Listen Kitchen,
It's just not working out. I'd like to say it isn't you, it's me; but let's be honest here. I'm an adult and you're..well..a Kitchen. You have very little to offer me; minuscule counter space, very little cabinet real estate and no prep area by the stove. While, yes, we have had good times, working with you is a chore. You require so much "outside" intervention, I'm not even sure where to start. Do I have bring in more baker's racks and microwave carts (at my expense) to make this work? I want to use you, really I do. Fridge, help me out here: Is there not fresh summer squash, mozzarella, mascarpone & other quality ingredients for a fabulous week of dinners just waiting to be used? Hmmmm? Is there or isn't there?? Exactly. Look, Autumn and Winter are coming and that means Green Chile Stew...you better not mess this up for me.
1. Prep Space. Non-existent. Honestly, my cutting board doesn't even fit on either side of the sink. Heaven forbid I need to use the cutting board
and the food processor at the same time. You really have limited my use of kitchen gadgets (let's not even talk about the Ice Cream Maker I wanted to bring home, we're not even going to go there!)
2. Your Stove...or particularly, your Oven. Why on this green Earth do you still smell even after I've cleaned you?? Why must you spew smoke before I've even put in lasagna to be burnt? I've loved you, pre-heated you, eco-friendly scrubbed you, yet you billow out smoke at me when I open you to put in a pie. Well screw you, too!
3. Cabinet Space. How am I supposed to store dishes, pots, pats, Tupperware and food in your lack of shelves? Don't be fooled by the photos, those bottom cabinets are just open space, lots of wasted open space that could have shelves, but don't. I had to bring in reinforcements in the way of a wire bakers stand to hold the cereal boxes that don't fit in the upper cabinets because the shelves you do have, are too short. And how am I supposed to reach your very top shelves? You are soooo not Keebler Elf friendly.
4. Alley Kitchen Design. Your feng shui is shui off, buddy. I just don't feel this alley-way thing you have going on. Your sink on the opposite wall of the stove is just leaving too much floor space for spills. And white tile and grout?? Eesh!! First it's over to the fridge on that side, prep on this side, cook on that side, clean on this side. You don't offer a streamlined way of cooking. No chopping and dropping over at LTK. It's more like, chop, carry, drop, pick up spill.
5. Blue counters. Not your best look. Can we please more on to something more aesthetically pleasing??
Perhaps we can reconnect over hot chai when the weather changes and it's not so humid. I just don't know what you want from me...chrissakes, I created a blog
just for you.
**Photos to be added later when my 'puter isn't being so touchy.
(and now you too, puter?! Oy Vey!)